so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
How does one acquire holy water?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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