I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
