But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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