He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
