She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
