you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
my liver is dry heaving
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
