Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
