my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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