Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
