thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
