Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
