There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
