thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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