There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
