I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
