my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
