I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Randomize
