We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Enjoy the penises
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
