If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
