Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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