Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
