right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
