and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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