Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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