Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
