we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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