I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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