**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
