There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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