$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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