the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
