I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
