It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
