apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
