in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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