Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
