had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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