i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
