I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
