I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
