He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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