They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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