you would pick up someone in the library
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
