no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
