i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
