hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
