Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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