Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
