Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
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