I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
