mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
