remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Life is so much better after having sex.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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