i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
