Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
