I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
