My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You can't special order awesome
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
