You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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