So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
