I am puke
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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