I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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