YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
