I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
