apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
