Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
