On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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