Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
