did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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