Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize