you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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