i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
