The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize