I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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