I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
