Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
