I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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