I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
