Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
