piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
