Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
