Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
