9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
