This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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