if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
