Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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