I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
