so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
