You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't deserve a penis
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
