apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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