Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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