After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
