how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
