my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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