I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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