dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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