Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
