I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
